Dysfunctional families run on biochemical addiction.
The “hot-and-cold” cycles of dysfunctional families put members through spikes of cortisol, adrenaline, oxytocin, and dopamine.
These repeated spikes and plummets cause biochemical dependency that keep family members subconsciously returning to their behaviors.
Members who are healing disrupt the supply.
Dysfunctional family members may not understand why, but when you diffuse a situation by removing yourself from a charged situation, or refuse to add to the spiraling energy, you are denying them of their biochemical supply.
Narcissists in-particular are sensitive to supply loss.
Narcissistic members of the family depend on these biochemical “highs” more than others. Not only do they begrudge you for not offering your supply freely, they actively instigate scenarios to create it.
They may not be able to put their finger on why...but you’ve become the problem.
You aren’t following the rules. You aren’t playing the game...and it doesn’t feel good. Your presence no longer propels these waves of exhilarating chemicals and that makes you a problem.
Withholding dysfunctional biochemical supply is good for you.
Retraining your nervous system to settle down into a place of balance – instead of being trapped in cycles of biochemical spikes and plummets – will lead to unimaginable physical mental health improvements.
It is also compassionate to them.
Withdrawal from supply is always painful, but it is compassionate to not feed our family’s appetites for it. In this case, firmly withholding our contributions to family dysfunction will help everyone in the family become more aware of their dependency on chaos, aggression, narcissism, etc.
With any luck, they’ll follow your lead.
Someone has to take the first step and it’s probably going to be you. It can be a lonely road, but you may be surprised at how much impact your example can have on other members of the family as they also strive to escape the pain of dysfunction.