Some of the most hurt people I've ever met have been filled to the brim with suppressed anger and not even known it (myself included). The most interesting part? None of these people would be described as "angry people". In most cases they exhibited more anxious or isolating behaviors. Many of them were people-pleasers and conflict avoidant. And all of them were depressed. Through somatic exploration, however, each of these people found wellsprings of painful, terrifying anger. Sometimes even rage.
So how do you know if this is you?
Well one blog ain't gonna do it, but I can certainly get you going on some things to consider. Also, keep in mind that every one of us experiences our emotions a differently from one another. These signs may resonate with you and they may not. Your experience is your own to interpret.
Why do we need to understand the sensations?
Suppression of anger is a common trauma response. After so much time distancing ourselves from this emotion it can become hidden and inaccessible. At first glance that may seem like a good thing. No one likes to feel angry, right?The problem is that anger is an essential information gateway (like all emotions).
Anger tells us that we have been violated or are facing threat. It mobilizes us to protect ourselves or seek repair.
Oftentimes we learn to suppress our anger when we are children. We learn quickly that our anger is met with greater anger, greater threat, or greater violation. The anger is not productive and our needs didn't actually get met. So we suppress it. We learn to exile it to the background of our emotional experience.
No matter how far down we shove it though, the anger will be heard. It continues to express the needs it seeks to fulfill and the information it seeks to share through our bodily sensations. Oftentimes these sensations are highly charged and uncomfortable. And without addressing the anger at the core of the bodily experience the sensations refuse to go away (no matter how many bougie bubble baths or anti-stress supplements you take).
Jaw and Neck – Anger of Forced Silence
A common root of anger is forced silence. There can be many reasons a person is forced to be silent – particularly children:
Fear of retaliation - When you said what you needed to say you were hurt in return.
Needs never met - When we repeatedly vocalize our needs and don't get them met we will inevitably restrain ourselves from further abandonment by no longer asking.
Socialization - Our culture is built on the age-old mandate for children (and adults) to "sit down and shut up".
As mammals we have evolved to vocalize our needs. Think of a baby's cry, a cat's meow, or a dog's bark. Our communication of needs through vocalization is built into us. So what happens when we are not allowed to vocalize? We create muscular tension in our necks and jaw in order to stifle the impulse.
Overtime this repeated muscular tension in the jaw and neck transforms into hardened myofasical tissue, inflammation, and muscle pain. This can look like chronic neck pain, clenched teeth, sore jaw, and soreness in the lower skull.
The Upper Back and Shoulders – Anger to Protect
To repeat - anger signals that we have been violated or face threat. This means that our bodies are mobilizing to protect us in times of anger. Protection in our bodies commonly looks like the protection of our soft vital organs by bringing up the shoulders and rounding forward in the upper back. As an instinct, this posture shields the neck, heart, lungs, and belly.
But what if the threat was never acknowledged? This protective posture can become chronic and lead to:
Rigid/tight shoulders - from frozen myofascial tissue.
Upper back pain - from shortened chest muscles that have been contracted for years and muscular inflammation due to immobility in the back muscles.
Tight and painful trapezius muscles - from being chronically engaged.
Fidgeting – Fighting Energy Never Used
Anger is a mobilizing emotion. The hormones released and bodily sensations prime us to defend ourselves from the perceived violation or threat. When we suppress the emotion of anger we do not suppress the protective energy. If anything it grows as the violations are repeated and the threat remains. After all, a threat that persists grows greater in our perception (i.e. "Wow, this is a lot bigger of a problem then I thought it was") and thus we build up more and more fighting energy to defend ourselves.
This energy isn't metaphorical. We feel it in the bouncing of knees, biting of nails, and tapping of pens on the desk. It is the energy that is keeping us at the ready.
Anxiety and Depression – Anger of Repeated Violation
At some point we become violated or threatened too many times to tolerate. Our anger has been suppressed or unaddressed for too long. We have been unable to protect ourselves or make our circumstances change. In this case, the body becomes overwhelmed and does what it can to mask the needs of anger with anxiety or depression.
Anxiety can be the outgrowth of hypervigilence. This is the subconscious behavior of constantly scanning for threat. It is useful because if up to this point you've been unable to protect yourself from threat, perhaps you can avoid it by seeing it coming in the first place. Of course, overtime the act of hypervigilence becomes exhausting and disruptive. In the end a sense of full-blown generalized anxiety can dominate your existence.
Depression is the shutdown. Depression says, "I can no longer feel this much." Unavoidable and repeated violation can absolutely create a nervous system that needs to shut down.
Shallow Breathing – Anger We Fear Feeling
Our breath is our connection to feeling. When we breathe deeper we feel deeper. Shallow breathing is a cultural problem, but here are some reasons it can be connected with suppressed anger:
Inhaling Increases Heart Rate – An interesting phenomenon of our breathing is the fact that our inhales increase our heart rate while our exhales decrease our heart rate. Because of this a full deep inhale can be unpleasant for many people who are triggered by the sensations of increased heart rate. Suppressing charged emotions like anger require a suppression of charged sensations such as heart rate.
Chronic Muscle Tension Impacts Our Breathing Capacity – Remember those tight jaws, necks, shoulders, chests, and backs? All of this muscular tension restricts movement in the torso and a full breath requires movement. When we inhale fully the belly and chest expand and the neck elongates. When we exhale fully the shoulders drops, the diaphragm lifts, and the back softens. This range of motion simply isn't possible with frozen tissues.
Breathing Expands Sensation – What happens when someone startles you? You take a sharp inhale and hold the breath. We even have expressions about this, "He waited with baited (restrained) breath." When big feelings come, we hold our breath to mute them. And as we have discussed in this entire article, the sensations of suppressed anger can be quite intense. Sometimes our easiest method of coping is to restrict our ability to feel it.
What now?
If you've read this and suspect that suppressed anger is a part of your trauma experience I have good news. You can absolutely do something about it! Connecting with this anger can be tricky but with trauma-informed somatic tools you can chip away at it without the risk of overwhelm. Start with some beginner friendly tools like my free on-going somatic healing program to get acquainted with your body first. Overtime you will learn to hear the messages it is sending you and what needs to be done to gently connect with this beautiful protective force you have buried deep within.
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