Sometimes we don't slow down because...well...we don't wanna! Busyness is a widely acceptable coping mechanism that gives us all sorts of social rewards. Busy people are "achievers", "go-getters", "winners"! So how do you know if you are using your busy schedule to keep you from feeling? Let's figure it out together.
Traumatic Sensation Is In Our Bodies. Busyness Keeps Us In The Mind.
You can think of the frequencies of the mind as short and tall. The mind is high energy and quick to move. Conversely, you can imagine the frequencies of the body as long and short. The body has deep messages that take slowness to attune to.
In the slow frequencies of the body we can notice sensations and intuition. In the high frequencies of the mind we perform higher energy cognitive tasks like planning, scheduling, and problem solving.
People recovering from trauma tend to have an overwhelming cascade of unpleasant sensations in the body. One way to tolerate this is by spending our time in the more distracting, high-energy frequencies of the mind.
No Energy Left for Sensation
Processing and/or suppressing traumatic sensations can be exhausting. Sometimes we make a subconscious decision to try and bypass the process by using up our energy elsewhere.
This isn't too difficult. Although your brain only makes up 2% of your bodyweight, it uses up 20% of your energy. Thinking is very calorie expensive and leave nothing left for feeling.
What's the Problem?
Seem reasonable so far, right? I get to skip all that feeling crap and just think/be productive instead. If only that were the case.
Skipping sensations means pleasant ones too.
When we become detached from our bodies we aren't just detaching from the experiences of trauma. We are also distancing ourselves from our ability to feel deeply into pleasurable sensations too. Over time it becomes difficult to really connect with the feelings of joy, contentment, love, relaxation, etc.
Trauma demands attention.
Even if you are prepared to throw out the entire spectrum of sensation, trauma won't go away quietly. Whether you have the energy to process it or not, your traumatic imprints will demand that you give them the attention they need. So when they are screaming for your energy and you don't have any to give – shut down commences.
The nervous system shut down comes about in many different ways. This can look like:
Physical or emotional numbness
Depression or melancholy
Brain fog
Chronic fatigue
Burnout
In the end, it isn't sustainable to work your way around feeling. The effort it takes to mask sensations in busyness will inevitably leads to burnout – a state of mental and emotional collapse.
How to know if this is you.
Not every busy person is using it as a coping mechanism to not feel. So how do you know if this is related to your busyness? Here are a few questions you can contemplate...
Do you experience discomfort when you are not busy?
A bit of curiosity is called for if you get uncomfortable when you slow down. Sometimes the discomfort can be quite intense for many trauma survivors – turning quickly into anxiety or agitation. Other ways you may cope with this is with external soothing with things like sugar, alcohol, or aggressive exercise. If the moments of quiet are problematic this could be a sign.
What is your general feeling about your busy schedule?
Do you like being busy? Just start there! Is this schedule something that makes you happy for the most part. Does your life feel balanced in a way that is nourishing to you? Some people find a lot of stability in busyness. If instead you find yourself feeling like you never have enough time, or are missing out on things, or just generally unhappy I'd suggest you take a closer look.
What is your body doing when you're busy?
Sometimes our bodies can give us very direct signals that the busyness isn't helping. Do you have ongoing digestive problems when you are highly scheduled? How is your sleep? How is your heart health? General health indictors can tell you a lot about how stressful your schedule is on your body.
Do you shut down regularly after work?
Is it more common than not that you end the day shut down? Do your weekends or days off feel shut down too? If the moments between the busyness are a cloud of disconnection, this could be you.
No shame
Just like all coping mechanisms, there is no point in shaming your busyness.
If this is something you resonate with I'd encourage you to appreciate it for what it is – a tool that you have needed in times when you didn't have the resources necessary to process your residual trauma.
As you build your toolkit with healthier ways of managing your feelings you can begin to let go of the tight schedule that has kept you out of yor body.
What should you do about it?
The most fundamental question to ask here is "What support do I need to be able to tolerate more feeling?" The answer will be unique to you and your situation. Things like somatic trauma work can help give your sensations the attention they need in a gentle and controlled way. That way you aren't impulsively over-scheduling yourself to avoid them.
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